Ellen DeGeneres celebrated her 60^th birthday last week and it got me thinking about confidence, being comfortable in your own skin, and accepting (yes even loving) yourself as you are. “I had a really tough time and it was very difficult when I had to hide who I really was and it was incredible when I was not only accepted for who I am but given awards for it,” she said.

We often hear “love yourself first”, but what does this mean? We tend to think that this is narcissism, so we immediately refuse to acknowledge our attributes, especially our physical ones.

Somehow we learn that it is not socially acceptable to enjoy, celebrate and certainly not tell anyone (that’s bragging) about our victories. So we focus on our imperfections.

But just like we don’t see others as a list of shortcomings, we need to afford ourselves the same courtesy. Here are some things that I think loving yourself really means:

1. Having the courage to forgive yourself. It means being able to acknowledge your humanity, and to not let it be a source of internal hatred. To understand that not forgiving yourself is the harshest criticism, and that nobody in your life will be able to love you until you forgive yourself for being human. Embrace your perfectly flawed self; it’s what makes the world so beautifully diverse and interesting.

2. Understanding that not your weight, nor your hair color, nor your choice of clothing, nor the funny way your stomach rolls when you slouch down makes you any less attractive than anybody else. There is not only one way to be beautiful, and loving yourself means realizing your own beauty for what it is, not in the context of how you look compared to anyone. (And P.S. your stomach is supposed to create rolls when you bend, ever try to bend a Barbie?)

3. Knowing not everyone will love you, and that not everyone has to. If you are being true to yourself, and somebody has a problem with that, that is their negative energy to deal with, not yours. Loving yourself means knowing that you will never have the love, praise and approval of absolutely everyone you meet, but that doesn’t reflect anything about who you are.

How is someone else going to think you’re totally awesome when even you don’t think you are? A: they’re not. The greatest thing loving yourself means is that once you do, you’re better equipped to let the world love you as well.

So take note of Ellen’s birthday request, “Just be who you are. Share yourselves with the world. We’re all supposed to be different and unique. Trust you are going to be accepted because honesty is always rewarded.”